Ambivalence (Re-writing)
by HiddenCoffee
Summary: Re-posting after editing heavily. Creating a new ending. Summary: Kurt's struggles with Karofsky have brought about new feelings in Finn Hudson. Set at Never Been Kissed (season two). Kinn endgame.
1. Chapter 1

I've decided to edit my original story Ambivalence and post a chapter of it each week (should it be received well). I really didn't like how I ended it a few years ago when tried to make a sequel and all that. I couldn't get involved in the sequel so, it just kinda went to shit. If your a returner to this story, I apologize if you actually enjoyed where everything was going. So, instead, because I hate the idea of just ditching everything, I'm going to edit what I have and create a real ending to Ambivalence. If you want to read the original version and the attempted sequel (or "part two" or whatever the hell I had decided to call it), I'm going to leave it up for now. But I'll eventually take it down if this re-posting thing goes well.

Notes: This is set during season two of Glee. Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.

**Bold**= Dream

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><p>I'd done it again; put myself in someone else's warpath. But, then again, this someone actually mattered to me. So, that was okay, right?<p>

Karofsky was up to his shenanigans again. Kurt had said it like Karofsky didn't mean any harm, but I knew better. I had never seen Kurt look so frightened. So, when I saw my step-brother thrown up against his locker in Karofsky's grasp, I couldn't stop myself from rushing down the hall and shoving the jerk away from my step-brother.

"What do you think you're doing, Karofsky?"

"Aw. Jealous I was so close to your boy, Hudson?"

My fist struck his jaw. He teetered, but caught his balance after a moment. Before I could turn to Kurt, Karofsky had thrown his fist up and punched me in the eye. It hurt, but I was too mad to pay attention. I threw a few more punches back at him, one of which knocked him straight to the floor. Slowly, I turned back towards Kurt. "Are you alright? He didn't hurt you, did he?"

He looked at me wide-eyed. "You're worried about me, Finn? Your eye is already turning blue. Come on, let's just go home."

"Okay." I'd never thought Kurt would be one to skip school, but I agreed because I knew I needed some ice.

We walked out to his car and got in. My eye was really starting to hurt. I knew Karofsky was strong, but he never dared to throw a punch at anyone- especially me and Puck.

The drive home went by fast, though. I guess I dozed off, because the next thing I knew, Kurt was opening the passenger's side door and easing me awake. "Come on, Finn. You're too big, I can't carry you."

I chuckled briefly at the idea of Kurt trying to carry me and got out of the car.

"Sit on the couch," He ordered. "I'll get some ice."

I did as he said. In less than a minute he was back in the living room placing the ice pack on my eye. I looked at him; his bright blue eyes stared back at me. This was the closest we'd ever been. I could smell him; strawberries and vanilla. I'd never noticed how pure and flawless his face looked. I guess that moisturizing thing he does every night really works.

"Finn, are you feeling okay?"

"Huh? Y-yeah, why?"

"You just muttered some comment about me looking perfect," He blushed.

"I-What?"

"Maybe you should take a nap," He handed me the ice pack and got up. "I'm going to make some snacks."

I slowly walked downstairs.

Man, I had to be more careful with Kurt. We'd gotten through the 'faggy' incident, but I'd found out Kurt is so sensitive that one mistake on my part and we're back to step one. My thoughts like to express themselves without my knowledge. I only noticed it more recently though. It's like there's nothing I can do to stop it. When I was at the mall with Kurt the other day I blurted out that his ass looked really nice in the pair of jeans he was wearing. I mean, it was a compliment, but to Kurt it would mean something more. Well, I guessed that he still had a thing for me, but maybe he didn't. We never talked about it after '_the incident'_ and maybe that was a good thing, but I still wondered about it sometimes. It's not like I'm gay or anything, but I don't know, it was kind of flattering to know I was appealing to guys too.

"I guess Karofsky hit you harder than I thought," Kurt chuckled. I didn't even hear him come downstairs.

"Yeah," I agreed, just because it was a way to play off what I'd said.

"Here's a sandwich, made your favorite way," He handed it to me. "Bacon, ham, turkey, two slices of American cheese, mayo on both slices of bread and one dill pickle on the side."

"Wow, Kurt, thanks," I said and dug in. It tasted just like mom's.

"Are you feeling a bit better?" He asked when I finished eating.

I nodded.

"Well, I'll let you get some rest. If you need anything just let me know." He got up, but before he could get too far, I touched his arm, urging him to look at me.

"Thank you Kurt, really. You're a great brother."

He gave me what seemed to be a fake smile. I could tell because the corners of his eyes didn't crinkle and his baby blues didn't light up. "Right," he sighed and walked up the stairs. "Brother," he whispered, but I could still hear him.

"**Kurt, Kurt, I'm sorry. You have to believe me."**

"**You cheated on me, Finn. You cheated on me," He cried and floated away. **

**I felt someone wipe my own tears and saw Quinn in front of me. "It'll be okay, Finn. You'll always have me."**

"**And me," Rachel appeared.**

"**But I want Kurt!" I yelled and found myself in the hallway at school. In a rush Kurt walked past me. **

"**Hey Kurt! Kurt! Wait up!" I started running, but I just couldn't catch him. "Kurt, I love you!"**

I awoke with a start, the dream flashing before my eyes again.** '**_Kurt, I love you…' _the words echoed in my head. Whoa. I'd heard something about dreams reflecting your subconscious. Did I love Kurt? As a brother, of course; I mean, noticing how hot he looked today was just an observation. Nothing more.

I rolled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. My eye was dark blue and purple, with an ugly green/yellow color surrounding the outside. I touched it and winced. Stupid Karofsky.

I went upstairs to talk to Kurt, but he was asleep on the couch. I sat next to him contemplating if I should wake him. After my dream it felt kind of weird to look at him, but he was still the same old Kurt. His chest moved up and down slightly with every breath. Flawless pale skin from the open part of his shirt caught my eye and I slowly brought my hand to it. His skin was softer than Quinn's or Rachel's. I unconsciously bent over him, feeling tempted to place my lips on his. I was two inches from his lips when I realized what I was doing. I jumped off him and rushed into the kitchen, gripping the counter.

What the hell was wrong with me?

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><p>Author's note: Thanks for reading chapter one! Let me know if you want more chapters to be posted by reviewing andor favoriting and/or following. :)


	2. Chapter 2

I decided to take a shower to relax. It was almost five so mom would probably be home soon.

I let the water wash over me and tried not to think too hard about what I almost did. It had to be that dream messing with me, because I, Finn Hudson, am definitely not gay. I haven't had a girlfriend for a while but only because the last two times really sucked. And really, the whole Santana thing was just a joke. I can't even believe I did that.

_Girls… They're your problem…_

I shook my head. No, Kurt wasn't right about that. I just had bad luck. I'd recover. But for now I'm just taking it easy and not worrying about the stress of having a girlfriend.

I took a deep breath, pleased with my problem solving.

As I began to dry off, I realized I forgot to bring clothes in with me. I wrapped the towel around my waist and opened the door. Kurt was standing in the middle of the room shirtless with the button of his jeans undone.

"Oh, Finn. Shit. I'm sorry, I just had to change out of these clothes. I can't believe I fell asleep in them."

I didn't hear anymore because my eyes were glued to his pale skin. I don't know why it infatuated me so much. I wanted to touch it. God, I wanted to touch him so bad, but I couldn't. I absolutely could not give in.

He grabbed a top and started to walk towards me while putting it on.

"I-I… gotta go," I stuttered out and went back into the bathroom, leaning against the door.

Holy shit.

When I felt it'd been long enough, I cracked the bathroom door and peaked out. Kurt was gone. I grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of shorts and put them on at what could have been the speed of light. I didn't want to get caught off guard around Kurt anymore. I had to get rid of these feel—whatever they were.

I found mom in the kitchen making dinner upstairs.

"Hey mom." I gave her a side hug.

"Hello sweetie. Are you feeling alright? Kurt said you got hit today and seemed kind of sick," she said without looking up.

"I feel fine. My eye's sore, but it was worth it."

She looked up at me. "Finn, it's never good to—whoa. That looks terrible. Who was it this time?"

"Karofsky. It was just about glee." Kurt had been keeping it under wraps that he was still being bullied at school.

"I wish those football guys would just give you all a break. You'd think they'd get tired by now anyway."

"Mom, I am a football guy."

"Yes, but you're a good one." She smiled and patted my shoulder. "How about you get your brother for dinner?"

"Where is he?"

"He's in Burt's shop."

I went to the garage outside.

"Kurt? Are you in here?" I called. I heard sobbing and walked around the car lift. There he was, sitting on the tool box crying.

"Go away Finn. I look terrible."

_You look beautiful _popped in my head, but I ignored it. "Dude, you look fine. What happened?" I sat next to him.

"I can't say," He whispered.

"It's about Karofsky, isn't it?"

He nodded. I moved my hand towards his face and began wiping his tears away before I could stop myself. "Please tell me what he did Kurt." I rubbed his back a bit to calm him down.

"It's really hard for me to say."

"It's okay Kurt. You can tell me."

"He… he kissed me," he whispered.

I froze. Jealousy overwhelmed me in a strange way. Thoughts started flying through my head before I could stop them. Someone stole Kurt's first guy kiss. Someone else got to feel those soft lips. Someone else got to be that close to him. Not me, not me, not me. Suddenly, I was furious. "God, Kurt. I can't believe he did that to you! It's one thing to bully you, but to do that? What an ass. I'm going to make him pay tomorrow. I—"

He placed a hand on my arm, sending a shock through my body. "Don't Finn. There's more to the story. He-he threatened to kill me if I told anyone." The sobbing restarted and all I could do was pull him close and hold him.

"Kurt, he's not going to kill you. I will never let anyone hurt you."

He nodded into my chest and after a few minutes he calmed down again.

"I-I just don't get it Finn. Why are you being so nice to me? I know we're brothers and we've repaired our broken friendship after last year's incident, but this still seems odd."

"I just realized how much of a jerk I was to you. And even though things kind of got better, there were still a lot of things I should have done differently. I can't exactly make up for them, but I'm trying to be a better person," I concluded. Although, my jealous outburst kind of freaked me out a little.

"Well, thank you Finn. It's times like these when I need someone like you. It's hard to talk to Mercedes about stuff like this."

I nodded, ignoring the skip of my heart to the 'need someone like you' portion of that.

He dried his eyes with a clean rag and stood up, his normal self returning.

"So, what did you come out here for?"

"Huh? Oh. Mom said dinner's ready."

"Okay, let's go eat, then." He walked out the door first and we headed to the house. The whole way there I wished I could stop watching his ass.

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><p>"Nice eye, Hudson."<p>

"You know what Karofsky; you are really reaching my last nerve." I shoved my books in my locker. What a lovely way to start the morning.

"I bet your little boyfriend has reached a lot of your nerves," he smirked.

"You know, why does it always have to be about Kurt? Why can't you pick on someone else? Or better yet, just stop your bullying. It's getting old." I turned and left him. A minute later Rachel was at my side.

"Hey Finn. I heard about your fight with Karofsky. It's totally awesome you did that for Kurt, though your eye does look pretty bad."

"Yeah, thanks." I didn't bother glancing at her. It wasn't like I hated Rachel, but I was still kind of upset about her cheating on me.

"Well. I-I'll see you around, Finn." I did a 'yeah, sure' smile and nodded. It was obvious she was trying to come off as good person Rachel again, but it just wasn't working. After having to deal with her for so long it was getting pretty obvious that she was just pretending to really care about other people… Okay, maybe she cared about me a tad, but clearly not enough to keep her from my ex-best friend.

I shook my head and sat down in my seat for science class. My lab partner used to be Quinn, but she's been working with that new kid, Sam. I guess they're dating now, but whatever, it doesn't really bother me.

My new lab partner was supposed to be Kurt, but he didn't show up to class which was weird, because I knew he left for school early this morning. I got an eerie feeling at his absence and when the bell rang I started looking for him.

After searching the bathroom, the janitor's closet and the choir room I decided to check the locker room. I don't know why, since Kurt only played football last year, but I thought it was worth a shot and creaked the door open.

"Karofsky, stop, this is ridiculous." A familiar voice whispered.

"I like you, Kurt, okay?"

"No, David. You have bullied me. You have thrown me into dumpsters. You make fun of me. You hit my brother and you've basically made my life a living hell. This will never happen."

"Look, I'm sorry about it all."

I slowly make my way towards the voices.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am," He stressed. "You of all people should be able to understand me." I heard the anger rising in his voice.

"No, I shouldn't. I accepted I was gay. I never bullied anyone and I certainly never threatened to kill anyone."

"Hey! You keep quiet about that!" I saw Karofsky slam Kurt into the lockers right as I turned the corner. I've always had a short temper, but this was the quickest my anger had ever taken over me. I slammed my fist into the locker next to me to get his attention.

"Let. Him. Go." I said forcefully.

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><p>Author's note: I'm going to attempt to update this every Sunday. Thanks everyone!<p>

"H-Hudson. How much of that did you hear?" He said dropping Kurt.

"Enough."As angry as I was, I forced myself not to punch him or kick him or beat him to a pulp, because I was here to save Kurt, not waste time on something worthless.

He moved off to the side, clearly frightened, as I walked forward. I scooped Kurt up in my arms bridal style and headed straight to Figgins' office.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry I'm a day late. Here's chapter 3!

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><p>"Finn, this really isn't necessary. I'm fine. Just a little bruised up."<p>

"Yeah. We'll have to take a look at that later. I'm sure that pale skin of yours bruises really easily." I was so enraged, I didn't even know what I was saying anymore.

A bit of blush appeared on Kurt's face. "Finn, really, if you take me to Figgins' office, he's going to call our parents."

"Kurt, they need to know. This is getting out of hand."

"Well, I could at least walk there on my own."

"No, this way I know you're safe." Kurt's blush got deeper, but he didn't say anymore.

I bursted into Figgins' office and cautiously placed Kurt in one of the chairs.

"Finn, what's this about?"

"Karofsky has been bullying Kurt and I am sick of it. I want him out of here."

"Let's settle down, okay? We need to talk this through. I will call your parents."

I sat down next to Kurt and waited.

"I don't know about this Finn," he whispered. "What if Karofsky stays true to his threat?"

"Kurt, I already said I'm not going to let him hurt you."

He looked up at me, blue eyes sad and scared. He was so vulnerable, it was heart breaking. "You can't always be around Finn. That's not fair. You have your own life and things to worry about. You shouldn't be focused on protecting me all the time."

"Kurt, I am not going to let you be bullied for no reason."

He looked down. "Why not, Finn? Why not? Why does it matter now? Because I'm your brother? You let it happen last year. It's not like you're not to blame for this too!"

"And you think I'm not trying to make up for it?" I stood. "Why do you think I've been saving your ass? Yes, you're my brother now and I care about you. And I cared about you last year, but Quinn had my brain all messed up. Why can't you just accept that?" I yelled. And I knew I probably shouldn't have, but I couldn't take it back now. Kurt and I were falling back to square one all because of these stupid feelings I can't get rid of and stupid Karofsky being an asshole. I walked out and headed to the bathroom.

I was hit with guilt the minute I looked at myself in the mirror. Mom and Burt were probably there now. If Figgins called Karofsky in, it would look like Kurt told on him; giving him more of a reason to bully him.

I should've been there. I really should have been there, but couldn't bring myself to go.

When I got myself together, I went to class and tried not to think about what I'd done. But when I got home, avoiding the issue was impossible.

"Where were you today, Finn?" Burt's voice rang threw the living room the minute I stepped through the door.

I cleared my throat, "At school, sir." I couldn't reach his eyes.

"You know what I mean. Where were you today when we saw Kurt in the principal's office?"

"I was in class," I looked around, hoping Kurt would be there to help me out, but it was just me and Burt.

"And why weren't you with your brother? Huh? Is it not part of your responsibility to watch out for him and help him?"

I hated being yelled at, especially by Burt. He never lets up. I knew I sort of messed up, but had Kurt really not told him that I was the one to get him there in the first place? That I was the one who's been helping him out the past week?

"—because he doesn't feel safe. Is that what you wanted?"

Shit. What had Burt said? "No, sir, of course not. Listen, I haven't been bullying Kurt and I have been trying to help him out. I'm trying my best."

He took a deep breath. "Just go help him pack."

"Wait. What?"

"He's not living here anymore. It's a boarding school."

So, Kurt was _transferring_? I flew down the stairs to the basement. Kurt was at our closet with his suitcase open on the floor.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I'm sorry, _Finn_. It's not like I've had a chance. You weren't really there when we had the discussion," he snapped.

"Look, I'm sorry about that, okay? I was just upset." I walked to him.

He looked up at me, his eyes were glistening. "I don't want to leave Dad, Carole and you, or even glee, but if it's the only way I can be safe, I have to. I visited Dalton a week ago when things started to get tough. It's a private boarding school and they have an extremely low tolerance for bullying."

"Kurt, really, I can protect you at school."

"Finn, I appreciate that, but you and I both know it's not enough." The tears started to fall right onto his Alexander something-or-another scarf he was holding. I took the scarf and draped it over the closet door, before pulling him to me.

I rubbed his back and repeated "it's okay" I don't know how many times until he finally pulled away.

"Thank you, Finn. I'm sorry I got so upset today and yelled at you."

"It's cool. I'm sorry too." I smiled. "Do you still want me to look at those bruises?" I couldn't believe I was asking.

"Sure, I guess," he said and turned around.

I lifted up his shirt. There were light blue shapes winding around his protruding shoulder blades, but nothing else was visible. "They don't look too bad," I said. And again my eyes were glued to that pale skin. I took my hand and ran it down his back, not being able to stop myself this time.

He shivered and I forced myself to back away. "S-sorry."

"It's fine," he said breathlessly and pulled his shirt down. "I-I should finish packing."

"Right. I'll help you." I said, still a little confused about what had just happened. I grabbed the scarf from the closet door and handed it to him before searching through the clothes. "Are you taking all of these?"

He stepped beside me, not looking in my direction. "Most of them. I'll need to leave some here for the weekends. I don't want to lug a suitcase back every week."

"So, you're not completely disappearing?"

"No. Disappointed?" He teased, his lips curling up.

"Not at all," I laughed.

"I'm really going to miss you, Finn."

"I'll miss you too, buddy." I ruffled his hair.

He gave me a playful glare and put some stray strands back into place.

We finished packing about an hour later. I had no clue Kurt had so many clothes. I mean, he didn't even wear half of them. So, we wound up making a pile for charity donation and boxed them up.

"I'll have my dad take those tomorrow."

"Cool," I said, picking up his suitcase. "Can you get the doors?"

"Yeah," he replied and walked up the stairs. I followed him and looked up. Bad idea. I was immediately hit with _the _best view of Kurt's ass.

As much as I hated for Kurt to leave, I needed this break. I needed to be away from him so these little thoughts would disappear.


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt has been gone for more than a week. His first weekend was spent at Dalton. He just mentioned something about this dude, Blaine, and trying to get settled in.

It's been a good week for me, besides Rachel bothering me. She's, like, hiding around every corner just waiting for me to walk by so she can start a conversation. Karofsky's been gone because he got suspended. So things have actually been pretty quiet. Everyone misses Kurt, but they know he's safer now. And as much as I miss Kurt, I sort of think it's for the best too. Those thoughts? Yeah, haven't had any of those this whole time.

"Finn?"

"Huh?" I jumped. All the kids in glee turned around and stared at me. "What?"

"You're working with baby grandma for the duet," Santana answered, filing away at her nails.

Rachel glared at her. I looked at Mr. Shue. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Mr. Shue, is this really fair? They sing together all the time." Quinn said. Of all the people who could save me from this, she was the last one I expected to try.

"Sorry. It's how it's just how the cards played out. Okay guys; go find a song and practice."

Everyone split up to practice. Rachel and I silently walked to the auditorium. I sat down on the piano bench. Rach pulled up a stool and sat across from me.

This was oddly familiar. Oh yeah. Kurt and I were sitting like this last year when we did our ballads. He was so shy back then. He looked like he was going to pass out when he said his song was 'I honestly love you.'

I wondered if he'd sung any ballads with that Blaine guy he mentioned.

"Finn?" Oh, Rachel. "We need to focus here. I know things between us are tense due to our recent dispute, but we need to disregard our indignant feelings and make the best with what was chosen by fate."

"Um… What did you just say?" Was that even English?

She sighed. "We have to ignore the current problem between us and get this project done."

"Oh."

"Obviously since you weren't paying attention earlier, I'll fill you in. We're doing current hits, so I decided you and I will sing Just a Kiss by Lady Antebellum," she grinned.

"Uh, Rachel—"

"Ignore the current problem, remember?"

"Yeah, um, see I don't really think that singing a song about a kiss is a good idea. I know what you're saying, but isn't there a different song we could do?"

"Finn, listen, I'm sorry about what happened between us. I get that I'm probably your least favorite person right now, but is it really too much to just sing this song with me?"

"I… guess not." I'm not a mean guy, so, I couldn't really say 'yeah, it kinda is.' She's just so overbearing.

"Thank you."

We had practiced for fifteen minutes when I realized I was thinking about Kurt and had completely forgotten about Rachel. It had been a week, _a week_, without any Kurt thoughts and one song about a kiss and he's taking over my mind again! What the hell? I did not want to be having these thoughts!

"Finn? You stopped singing."

I looked at her, knowing I was probably wearing my 'o' face as Kurt liked to call it. Damn, Kurt again.

"I-I have to go, Rachel. Sorry," I got up and headed for my truck. I had to get out of there and stop myself from doing what I knew was low and selfish and so, so wrong—use Rachel to forget about Kurt.

* * *

><p>"Good evening, Finn!" Kurt smiled at me from his bed when I got downstairs. "How was glee?"<p>

I had forgotten that he was visiting this weekend. It felt good to see him, to know he's okay, but the thought of kissing him was still pinned in my mind. "I-it was fine. Uh, can we play catch up later? I'm really tired," I lied.

"Finn, you haven't even had supper yet. I suggest we take you to the doctor if you're that tired; you never miss a meal." He stood up and walked towards me, placing a hand on my forehead. "No fever." He moved his hand to my neck. "Nope. So, you lied. What happened?"

Why did Kurt have to be so smart? "Uh, Rachel and I have to do a duet together." I tried. I felt my body start to heat up at his hand still attached to my neck.

"I get how that could be difficult considering the whole her kissing Puck thing, but you guys did duets together all the time." He said; eyes focused on our current skin to skin contact.

I cleared my throat and hoped that he would get the idea and let go.

"Oh, sorry." He brushed his thumb across my jaw while withdrawing his hand. Goosebumps made their way down my arms.

What were we talking about again? Oh yeah. "S-she wants to sing a love song."

"What's the name of the song?" His eyes, which were a deep blue at the moment, stared right into mine.

"Just… a kiss," I gulped, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Ah. Good song. But she's really pushing it, isn't she?" He sighed and sat down on his bed. "So, how about you just imagine you're singing with Quinn or whoever it is you like right now, just to make it easier?"

"I… I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not, Finn? Who is she?" He teased.

"So, who's this Blaine guy?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.

He raised an eyebrow, but his disapproval quickly changed to one of happiness. "He's a friend, but we have so much in common, Finn! He's great and we started getting coffee together every day. Oh, and he's gay, too." He smiled.

I wanted to punch this Blaine guy in the face and I hadn't even met him yet.

"So, you're dating?"

"No, Finn," he chuckled. "I just said we're friends."

"Well, you also said you were getting coffee every day. Who knows what that means?" I threw my hands up. I didn't know why I was getting so mad.

"It means friends and coffee, Finn," he said, confused.

"I have to go." I started towards the stairs, realizing I was way out of line. I just needed to go and calm down.

"You know, Finn, you've been running away a lot lately."

"Maybe that's because what I need to face scares me," I replied and looked back at him, not sure if I was hoping for him to figure out what I meant, or just comfort me.

"Finn… come here."

I thought for a minute, contemplating leaving. But where could I really go?

I went to him.

"I don't know what's going on, Finn. But I'm here for you, okay?" He scooted up on the bed and crossed his legs, motioning for me to lie down. I lowered myself on my side and placed my head in his lap. I felt his fingers start to mess with my hair and instead of freaking out I let myself enjoy it, because I felt at peace.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up a few hours later to my grumbling stomach and a heavy warmth on my chest. I looked down, only to realize the warmth was Kurt.

I guess I fell asleep when Kurt was messing with my hair. Still, he could have woken me up for dinner.

As carefully as I could, I slipped out from under him and headed upstairs. In the fridge, there was a bowl with the pasta leftovers from last night. I tore open the lid and scooped a heaping amount onto a plate. I threw it in the microwave and when it was well heated, I sat down at the kitchen table and dug in.

I'd finally realized after what happened yesterday that whether I was ignoring these weird feelings about Kurt or attempting to face them head on, they were still there. Prominent as ever and messing with me. Kurt said that he was here for me. The thing was, I didn't know how he could help. How was I supposed to explain to him the thoughts I was having without freaking him out? And what if he still liked me and I hurt him or something? I didn't want to do that.

I went to grab another bite of pasta, but my fork only hit the bottom of the bowl. So, I placed my bowl in the sink and went back downstairs. The small nightlight was on in the corner of the room and I could just make out Kurt's shape on his bed. He had barely moved since I left and I contemplated slipping back in bed with him. I was so comfortable earlier I hated having to get up to eat.

Then, I heard a mumble, but I couldn't quite make it out.

"Finn," A mumble came again.

"Kurt?" I whispered.

"Sorry…"

I moved a little closer to him, unsure if he was dreaming or not. When I reached his bed, I saw that his eyes were still closed. I wondered what he was dreaming about. I grabbed the afghan from the foot of the bed and draped it over his small frame. I didn't know why, but I felt like I had to be there when he woke up. So, I slid under the covers next to him and went back to sleep.

* * *

><p>I slowly woke, my mind became aware of the soft mattress beneath me and the cozy duvet wrapped around my torso. I opened my eyes and found two blue orbs staring back at me.<p>

I jumped.

The orbs turned into joyous slivers as their owner laughed at my reaction. My fight or flight sense calmed as I realized the person was only Kurt. I was not at all used to waking up to someone next to me. Let alone someone who was already awake and staring at me.

"Sorry I scared you," Kurt said softly, a smile playing on his lips.

"It's okay. I just forgot I fell asleep here."

I turned onto my back and worked on waking up. My eyes closed and I contemplated just falling back asleep. Why wasn't my bed this comfy?

The bed shifted and I felt Kurt move closer. "Uh, Finn?"

"Hm?" I grunted out, not feeling motivated enough to fully reply.

"Why did you come back after you got up last night?"

My eyes shot open. How the hell did he know? "What do you mean 'come back?'"

"Really, Finn?" His eyebrow raised and I could hear in his voice that he was well aware of what happened.

"You were mumbling in your sleep and I don't know, I just did," I tried to explain, rubbing my eyes with my thumb and forefinger.  
>"Is this about what happened last night?"<p>

I flipped onto my stomach, wanting to dissolve into the bed. Half of my face was covered by the pillow when I looked up at him. He was propped on an elbow, a foot away from me. Once again, I didn't know what to do. Should I tell him, should I not? I hadn't come to any conclusions. Maybe fate would have to decide.

I nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact with Kurt.

"Is it about me?" He continued.

I nodded again, my eyes briefly shifting down to where his shirt had slid down and exposed his collarbone.

"Your skin looks nice," was out of my mouth before I could stop it, but Kurt didn't seem startled. It was almost as if he had already figured everything out.

"Finn. I can tell something's up with you. And I really want you to talk to me about it."

That was my cue. I felt it in my gut that it was okay. That I could tell Kurt and everything would be okay. So, I did.

"Lately, I've been having a lot of thoughts that are kind of confusing."

"And they're about me?"

"Yeah. Like, I notice when you look really good. Well, you always look good, but I notice it more. And I have these weird… urges."

"Urges." He repeated.

I nodded. "Like, wanting to…" I dropped my gaze from his eyes, "kiss you." It came out so low I didn't expect him to hear it.

"I see," he said and collapsed onto his back beside me.

"Are you mad?" I asked, weakly.

"Not at all, Finn," he turned his head to give me a small smile and then looked back to the ceiling. "I had suspected something, but not to this extent. It's just surprising to hear after all that time I spent hopelessly crushing on you."

"Well, I guess it wasn't all that hopeless," I attempted to lighten up the mood. I felt surprisingly content now that I knew Kurt wasn't going to freak out.

"So what... what does this mean?" He fiddled with his thumbs.

"I'm still a little confused. But I think I like you, Kurt."


	6. Chapter 6

We stared at each other for a long time. Then, slowly, he shifted towards me and I moved onto my side, wondering what he was up to.

"Maybe it's just a phase, Finn," he whispered, his face inches from mine. My eyes flickered to his lips; the soft, plump lips I almost kissed two weeks ago. His sweet smell started to take over my senses. He was close, too close. My heart pounded. And as much as I wanted to push him away, nervous of what was happening, I wanted to know what was happening at the same time.

I licked my lips. "You-you said you'd help me, right?"

I almost couldn't believe what I was implying, but Kurt looked like he wanted something just as bad as I did. His blue eyes had darkened and a light blush was present on his cheeks.

He gulped and gave me a nod.

I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and brought him down to me, falling on my back as our lips met.

Our lips moved tentatively, unsure of the new territory. I opened my mouth a little more, hesitantly sliding my tongue over his bottom lip and that's when Kurt lost it. The kiss turned rough in a second. Kurt fisted my shirt with one hand and my hair with the other. I ran my other hand up his back, raising goose bumps along his skin. He pulled my bottom lip between his teeth and tugged my hair back at the same time and shit that felt good.

_Mailman, mailman, mailman._

I pulled back, gasping. Where had he learned to do that?

Kurt sat up, deep red painted on his cheeks, his hair slightly ruffled.

"Shit. I'm sorry. That was probably way more than you needed."

I was too shocked to say anything. Kissing Kurt hadn't felt bad. It was actually really enjoyable and damn it, I wanted to do it again.

Kurt looked down at the bed. "Did… did it help you?"

"Yes," I breathed out. "And I…"

Kurt's eyes snapped up to his. I could still feel my heart thumping hard in my chest.

"I just…" I didn't know how to say it. I didn't know where Kurt was with this. And I sure as hell didn't want to overstep my boundaries with him.

"What is it Finn?"

I sat up and leaned into him, seeing if he would stop me. When he didn't I leaned in the rest of the way. He met my lips with a slow, sensual kiss.

But it only lasted a second before he was on his feet. "Okay. So, yeah. I'm going to go get dressed."

"What?"

He shook his head and started grabbing clothes out of his closet.

I went to him and placed a hand on his waist. "Kurt, what's going on?"

"Well, I helped you and that was it. So, yeah. I'm just going on with my daily duties," he gave me a fake smile.

"It's Saturday," I reminded him. "Sh-should we talk about what happened?"

"There's nothing to talk about." He had the bathroom door swung shut before I could stop him.

I went to my bed and sat down, head in hands. What was all of that about? Does he hate me now? Shit. I never should have told him. I mean, it wouldn't have been that bad if I'd just ignored it for like… ever.

No, that would have sucked. But what did this make me? Was I gay? Did I actually want Kurt as a boyfriend? I mean, ever since I met Kurt I thought he was cool, because of his confidence and what he stood for and all that. I just never saw myself as liking dudes. What if we start dating and I start getting thrown into dumpsters?

I heard the door open and looked up. Kurt came out dressed in a blue button-down shirt tucked into a pair of light-wash skinny jeans.

"H-hi," I said, shakily. He really should not be allowed to wear those.

"Hey." He looked much calmer than when he went in. His small figure came closer and sat on the edge of my bed. "So, we need to talk."

I nodded and sat up against the headboard.

"I'm sorry I acted how I did after we… you know," he gestures with his hand.

"We just kissed Kurt. You can say we kissed." How was I more okay about this than him?

"Okay, well, you said you like me and this has been going on for two weeks." He looked at me and I nodded. "Maybe you need to give this more time. I mean, would you really even consider being in a relationship with a guy?"

"Honestly, Kurt, I don't know. It really felt good to kiss you. I've been trying not to do that for a while now. I'm still figuring myself out and for that reason, I can't commit to a relationship"

"Finn, you know I've liked you for more than two years, but I just can't handle you kissing me whenever you please. Earlier was fine obviously, but for the future."

"I promise I'm not going to like, force myself on to you, or anything."

"No, you're right. Gosh, this must be really hard for you."

"A bit, but it helps that I have someone like you around Kurt."

He sighed and went around the bed to sit next to me. His arms closed around my waist and his cheek perfectly melded into my chest.

"You were jealous when I told you about Blaine, weren't you?" I could hear a hint of a smirk in his voice.

I nodded, my nose unintentionally running through Kurt's hair, my breath hitting his ear. He shivered then pulled away.

"Try not to do stuff like that," he smiled.

"And what if it's an accident?" I smiled back.

"Well, if it's an accident, then maybe it's okay." He trailed his hand across my neck. "Do you want to go to the mall today?"

"Sure."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Sorry I'm, like, three weeks late. Hopefully, I'll be back on schedule now.<p>

Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

I stepped into the shower after breakfast. I remembered to bring clothes this time, so I didn't have to deal with _that_ happening again.

Where would that lead, anyway? If I did happen to forget my clothes and stepped out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. Kurt said he didn't want to mess around, but I can't help but feel like he's going to take advantage of being able to touch me without me freaking out. He kind of already proved that during breakfast when he brushed his arm across my back and didn't freak out and apologize like he usually would.

So, like, if I wasn't wearing anything and he decided to get flirty, I don't know where that would lead. Maybe I'm just making up stuff too, I mean, it's Kurt I'm talking about here. Still, it scares me; I don't want to cross the line he's set.

"Finn?" I jumped, banging my head on the curtain rod.

"What?" I growled.

"Just… hurry up. We're never going to make it to the mall."

I dried off and put on a grey t-shirt, my favorite pair of boxers and my nicest pair of jeans.

I combed my hair and walked out. Kurt was sitting on his bed flipping through some fashion magazine.

"Hey, I'm ready."

He eyed my clothes for a minute then gave me a small smile. "Okay, let's go."

We said bye to mom and Burt on the way out and got in Kurt's Navigator.

"I'm glad you decided to come, Finn. It's always scary going to the mall alone."

"Yeah, I can see that."

He smiled and we didn't say anything more the rest of the drive.

I think we spent three hours inside of some store called Forever 21. I'm positive it's a girl's store, but there was a small guys section that Kurt mostly only used for the clothes he picked out for me.

"You have to try this on, Finn," he held up a navy and white plaid button down. I actually liked it and he insisted on buying it for me. At some point, he got me to try on a pair of heels with him and we tried to walk around making a majority of the girls there laugh. With my balance though, I was only able to take a few steps, before I practically fell over. Kurt laughed so hard he almost toppled over too.

After a few more stores I was tired and starving. How do girls do this?

"Hey, Kurt, can we eat?"

"I guess so," He replied and we rode the escalator downstairs to the food court.

He studied the different shops for a minute. "All the food here is so unhealthy."

"But it tastes great, man."

"Fine, but I'm not getting a hot dog." His eyes roamed the court. "Oh, there's Subway." He pointed at the end of the food court.

"Okay, cool. I'll meet you back here, then? I'm going to get pizza."

"Sounds good."

We chatted at dinner and I caught him up on everyone in glee. He told me about a little about the Warblers, but stayed quiet about Blaine. I wondered if they'd gotten any closer.

When we were done eating, we headed home. I was absolutely exhausted. I kept my eyes on Kurt for most of the ride home. His beauty, once again, caught me off guard.

"I'm going back tomorrow morning," Kurt said. It was Sunday afternoon and we were sprawled out on his bed next to each other.

"I know, but you'll be back next weekend." I tried to smile. We were really getting along now and I hated that I wasn't going to see him the rest of the week.

"I already miss this place."

"Kurt, this is your home. It's not going anywhere."

"It just, it always feels like something's missing when I'm gone, even when I know I'm just an hour from you guys."

I turned towards him. "What do you thinks missing?"

He looked at me strongly, briefly glancing down to my lips. I could almost see the thoughts rolling through his mind.

"I… I don't know," he said and got up. "It's almost three, I have to go. Mercedes and I are hanging out."

"Oh. Well, have a good time."

He nodded and left. I stayed on his bed, curling up with his pillow.

He was lying to me. I knew he was. I was pretty sure he knew what was missing. I just wished he would tell me.

* * *

><p>I decided to wear the new shirt Kurt bought me to school on Monday.<p>

"Finn, you're looking more stylish than usual," Rachel said during glee practice.

"Thanks, Kurt got it for me on Saturday."

"Oh. How are you and Kurt?"

"We're great." I figured she was just testing my previous homophobic behavior.

"Why's he buying you shirts? Isn't that what couples do?"She was looking down, holding her hands together in front of her.

"Uh…" Where was she going with this? "I don't know. He just wanted to buy it for me. I told him I could get it, but he insisted."

"I gave you a shirt once."

She did? I thought really hard. Oh yeah, that awful knitted sweater. It was like something my grandma would make. "Yeah, I remember."

"You never wore it."

"You gave it to me in the summer. It was too hot to wear it."

"Well—"

"Shouldn't we be practicing?" I asked after I checked the clock and realized we'd wasted half our time.

"Of course," She said angrily.

At the end of the song I was really close to Rachel. I'm not for sure how it happened. I looked at her surprised, but before I could step away, she grabbed the back of my neck and tried to kiss me. I took a hold of her shoulders and held her back. She opened her eyes and looked at me confused.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. I like someone else," I said and bolted. I was really coming to terms with it. I liked Kurt and apparently a lot if I refused to kiss a girl because of it.


	8. Chapter 8

Rachel and I performed our song on Wednesday, but it wasn't as good as it should've been. We even got the slow what-the-hell-was-that clap.

I knew most of it was my fault. I was always leaving suddenly and we never got a good practice in because all I could think about was Kurt.

And even now, I couldn't quite get the kiss with Kurt from last weekend out of my mind. I dreamt about it day and night. I didn't grasp any of Spanish class, not that I usually did, but my mind was definitely on Kurt. I just wanted to see him again. I think I was starting to come to terms with the whole ordeal.

During week I had decided to find out what this thing really was with him. I kind of felt like I needed to know what I was—like, was I gay… or did I just like Kurt or what? So, I paid a tad more attention to the other guys in glee while they were performing. I thought Sam and Artie were sort of attractive, but it felt weird to think about. None of the other guys appealed to me at all. When I tried to think of Puck like that, I felt like I was going to throw up. So, not gay, most likely, unless it's like a type thing; not many of the guys in glee have blue eyes and dark hair… or are feminine.

I was the last one out of the choir room after glee, and just as I reached the doorway, Rachel cornered me.

"We need to talk, Finn."

I stared at the doorframe. There wasn't another way out, so I had no choice. "Uh… okay."

"I noticed you checking out the guys in glee today."

"W-what? No. That's crazy Rachel. I was only watching them preform."

"Don't lie to me. I could tell." She crossed her arms and circled around me. "I know you, Finn, and you were paying closer attention than you usually do during glee. You're always a good audience, but you were concentrating this time."

"Uh…"

"So, are you gay now? Is that why you refuse to get back together with me?"

"No, no." I waved my hands back and forth.

"Bisexual, then?" Her eyes narrowed.

"What? No."

"Then why were you staring at the guys today?"

I wasn't getting out of this one. She was just as bad as Kurt on getting what she wanted. "I… I'm attracted to this guy. So, I was seeing if I was attracted to any other guys. And I didn't want to try it out in the halls, because this is the place where I'm accepted, y'know?"

"Okay, so, who's the guy?"

"It's... uh…" Could I really tell her?

"No, wait." She holds up a finger. "It's Kurt, isn't it?"

"H-how did you-?"

"Well, you guys have been spending a lot of time together recently. So, are you sure it's not just because you're in close proximity with him now?"

"Considering he's gone to Dalton all week and I only see him on weekends, no."

"Hm."

"I just don't know what to do. Kurt is great, y'know but to have these thoughts is just… it's weird."

"It's called ambivalence." She took a seat on Brad's piano bench, crossing her legs before neatly placing her folded hands over her knee.

"What?"

"It's when you have mixed thoughts about someone or something. So, in your case, you like Kurt, but you're also confused and grossed out by your feelings."

"Huh. I guess that makes sense."

"Did the idea that you could be gay disgust you?"

I sat down next to her. I wasn't sure how I was talking to Rachel of all people about this, but it was kind of nice to talk to someone about it. "Well, I was a bit freaked out at first, yeah."

"And now that you're pretty sure you're not gay?"

"I'm not so scared anymore, but I still don't understand this only being attracted to Kurt thing." I shook my head.

"Maybe you're just Kurtsexual," She shrugged.

"But I still like girls."

"Then maybe you're both." She placed a hand on my shoulder. "Look, Finn, if it feels right it's probably not that wrong. You just have to allow yourself to accept it."

"That actually makes sense. Thank you, Rachel," I stood.

"No problem. And by the way, I completely approve." She smiled at me and stood up.

I gave her a quick hug. This was the Rachel I fell in love with, but that was in the past now. I was ready for this thing with Kurt. Now he just needed to be ready for it.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Sorry I'm late again. Things have been crazy busy. I think there's only a few chapters left. The next one should be up on or before Sunday.<p>

Thanks for reading!


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